I’ve been so mentally exhausted lately and just really had no time to post and when I did have time I really had nothing to share. Parts of my life aren’t really where I had hoped or expected but I guess that’s not really different from a lot of others. When we’re young we tend to have unrealistic goals for ourselves because at that time in our life I don’t think we really realize everything shitty thing that happens and how to recover from it. I’m not saying I don’t love my life. I love my child and husband and dog and my family and friends. I’m just not where I’d hoped right now. I feel like when I take a step forward, life pushed me back 5 steps.
My weight is a huge factor prob in many of my areas. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been which in turn is killing my mental state but it seems like no matter what I try, I give up after I don’t see any results even though I know it won’t be quick to change. I think that’s also my issue with my relationship. Most of our problems are really my fault, and I really need to control myself. I flip out over the stupidest shit too, and he doesn’t deserve that. But I’m just so angry and unhappy all the time, it’s hard for me to not get mad at everything. At work I’m so put together but in reality I’m falling apart.
My mom helps me out so much and I so appreciate it, but I can’t stand the fact that she sticks up for my sister in law. Some of it is probably jealousy which I’ll admit but it’s really not fair to take advantage of my mom the way she does. My moms not getting any better, I know every year she gets worse, maybe not a lot worse but she definitely isn’t getting better every year. I feel like every time she gets sick it’s one step closer to my son having no grandmothers and that’s not fair to him.
My lease is up in less then 3 months and I’m starting to freak out because I have no clue what we’re going to do. We can’t afford to keep living out here, but I don’t wanna leave my job. I do love what I do and I’m good at it. I feel like I could do really well and go far with this company but I can’t keep putting my wants above what my family needs, and I have absolutely no clue how to talk to my boss.
Overworked, exhausted, angry and depressed and I have so many things going on in my mind I feel like my head is going to explode. I guess we will see what happens soon enough.
Happy holidays
-Chrissy
thesnackpakshow 